Because no one wants to see the pigs win!
D.D.E.A.L. would like to formally endorse a couple of presidential candidates for their unyielding support of the governmental subsidies to the black market drug trade.
First of all, we would like to endorse Barack Obama, whom we were feeling threatend by, but it's good to know that everyone is on our side.
While we were worried at first, Barack's speech in Miami cleared up for us exactly where he stands on the drug war; (Paraphrased) "It's more important to protect the dealer's profits than it is to save a single human life. Let alone 4,000. I support the continued war on drugs, no matter how many deaths it takes, because my dealers need to make a living, and as President, I'll do all I can to protect the career paths of these chosen few who are willing to risk it all so others can get high!"
Thank you Mr. Obama for your continued support of dealers everywhere.
D.D.E.A.L. would also like to formally endorse Hillary Clinton for her past and present contributions to the protection of our trade.
Mrs. Clinton was responsible for increasing the benefits of all ecstasy dealers, giving them additional incentive to provide MDMA to the demanding public. In 2001, she co-sponsored the "Ecstasy Prevention Act" which increased the incentives of free room and board for ecstasy dealers by over 30% without a shred of legitimate research to back this increase. That 30% is about the same amount, if you tack on three 0's, of percentage markup that the pharmaceutical industry enjoys on every pill due to the government's willingness to pay whatever the drug industry asks. Hillary's contributions to our national health care systems while her husband was in office have ensured a lucrative market is maintained both on the streets and in the stores.
Without Mrs. Clinton's past contributions to the dealers and big pharma, we wouldn't have the securely inflated prices of the continued monopoly she has ensured us.
Mrs. Clinton, on behalf of the drug dealers and lobbyists of big pharma, we thank you for everything you've done to assure our continued success and comfort.
D.D.E.A.L. would like make one final endorsement of John McCain.
Mr. McCain has made our endorsement very easy. He supports more war, more violence, and a continued deprivation of our customer's rights. This brilliant combination of oppression and bloodshed will increase our customer base beyond our wildest dreams - as people flock to street dealers in an effort to keep their names off government lists, as well as forget about the murder being done in the name of "Liberty" - and then their desire to get even more intoxicated as they realize that the liberty their money is paying to fight for doesn't exist any more.
Mr. McCain makes DDEAL comfortable in knowing that the drug trade will have one of its largest booms since the introduction of acid in the 1960's.
When you head to the polls this November, you can't lose. No matter who you vote for, DDEAL will support them, as they all offer us an increase in benefits, an increased customer base, and a furtherance of our state sponsored monopoly with continued artificially inflated prices.
Just in case any of their names are still on the ballot at this point, be sure you do not vote for Mike Gravel, Denis Kucinich, or Ron Paul, as all of them have declared themselves enemies of the drug trade, by expressing their desire to end our monopoly and the government housing subsidies to drug dealers. Don't let them fool you, they all want legalization to some extent, and that's the surest way to shut down your dealer's source of income. Don't vote for these inconsiderate men who care more about the lives of the citizens of this country than they do allowing dealers to turn a profit.
DDEAL is meant as a satirical public awareness campaign, not an actual endorsement of prohibitionist policies. Prohibition is wrong. Just say "NO!" to Governmental Control of your life.
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